Most people only dream of angels, we held one in our arms. We love you, David, oh, so much.Another sleepless night.
But isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?
A new mother…hours spent rocking and nursing,
Watching your little chest rise and fall in time with hers,
Counting your little fingers and toes,
Feeling the warmth of you pressed against her breast,
Gazing with wonder into your chubby, sleeping face.
Another sleepless night.
But this is not the way it’s supposed to be.
A new mother…with only the memory of hours spent praying and worrying,
Watching your tiny chest rise and fall in time with the vent,
Counting each heartbeat on the monitor,
Feeling the heat from the lamps which kept you warm,
Gazing with terror at the monitors which showed your blood pressure and oxygen sats falling, falling….
Another sleepless night.
But I still can’t believe you’re gone.
I doze…but wake needing to “call and check” on you.
My body does not understand that you are gone and wakes
Ready to feed you…food you will never taste.
My arms ache for you.
My heart breaks for the love I want to give you.
My hands remember holding you, so small and light, that one, precious time.
Another sleepless night
Brightens into another, agonizing day.
But I have the living to attend.
Swim team and libraries,
Doctor’s appointments and haircuts.
Groceries and dishes and sweeping….
And you will miss it all.
And I will miss you, through yet
Another sleepless night.
Love Mommy, Daddy, Morgan, Katie and Bryan
