Stories of Lost Children
Jason Alexander
by Marla Carcamo, Beltsville, MD, U.S.A.
I was 17 yrs. when I found out that I was pregnant. At first I didn't know what to but I knew that I wanted to have my baby. I endured three months of non stop morning sickness while taking three college classes. By the fourth month I was no longer so sick and actually started to enjoy the pregnancy especially since I could already feel the baby move. I found out I was having a boy and my family couldn't be happier(after the initial shock that I was pregnant wore off.) The father of my baby stayed by my side through it all. He was really supportive. Then one day when I was about 23 and 1/2 weeks pregnant my water broke spontaniously. I was rushed to the hospital and told that he was going to be born very soon and that the survival rate for babies that young is very slim. I was devastated. I felt like my world was coming to an end. My son was born that night on Nov. 21, 2001. We named him Jason Alexander, he weighed 1lb. 6.7oz. and measured 12inches. I had an emergency c-section and was put to sleep. I never heard my son cry or make any kind of sound. When I woke up all I wanted to do was to see my baby, but I was not prepared for what I saw. He was so small and still and had all kinds of tubes everywhere. I couldn't even hold him because he could barely be touched. The next day his lung collapsed so we had an emergency baptism. But he recovered and was even doing better. He was needing less oxygen and I had faith that he was going to be okay. But after that he got worse and worse. He was so pale and his doctor told me he needed blood. After being given blood he still needed more. It was like he wasn't getting any at all and the doctors told me they were afraid the blood was going to his brain. On the fourth day he was given a sonagram and the doctor's were right. He had severe bleeding in the right side of his brain. It would be almost impossible to save him, and if they could his "quality of life" would have been poor. They said he would be like a vegetable. So they made me decide whether to take him of life support or not. I did. That was the most difficult decision I have ever made. I finally got to hold my son as he was dying. I felt as though he said good-bye and was grateful for being able to say I saw him alive. I am now married to Jason's father and we're trying to have another but I am having difficulty getting pregnant. Every month that goes by it gets harder to try. I feel as though I lose another child every month.
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