Stories of Lost Children
Our Darling Peanut
by H., Rotorua, , New Zealand
I was 22 weeks and 4 days into my third pregnancy. I have lost our first 2 before I even reached 10 weeks. My partner was 22 and I was 21. After having the flu for three days I was looking forward to visiting our nephew on his first birthday. All of a sudden, I began getting pains in my buttocks and legs. I phoned my mum and midwife who both said to go to the hospital. We were both very scared as it meant going to the place where I miscarried our first unborn baby. The pains were 5 mins apart and getting worse. The doctor on duty firstly examined us then had a look inside only to find that membranes were ready to rupture. We were given drugs to try to stop the contractions but to no avail. At 12:15 p.m. the next day, our beautiful baby girl was born weighing 450gms. At 22 weeks old, she was tiny, measuring 22 cm long; however she was perfect. We named her "Aroha" which means "love". We took our daughter home to her dad's family home for a few hours before taking her to her mum's family home where we kept her there for 2 more days before her funeral. Aroha was carried everywhere in her parent's arms surrounded with love and she was talked to all the way home. We arrived to find around 80-100 family members and friends waiting for their niece, cousin and granddaughter. Aroha was laid to rest on her uncle who died 22 years earlier of cot death. It has been 3 weeks to the day since we lost our little Peanut(a nickname given because in scan 1 she looked like a peanut) and the pain is unbearable. Her dad proposed to me two days after her funeral which has bought us even closer together. And so the healing begins. It is such a relief to read all these touching stories and know that I am not going crazy. My partner has been worried that I will hurt myself or commit suicide because I feel so guilty. I am only looking for answers. Our Darling Daughter, you bought dad and I together and we love you more than you will ever know. Love Mum and Dad
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