Stories of Lost Children
My Angel A.J.
by Wendy, Ridge, NY, U.S.A.
I don't know where to begin....Today would have been my only son's (my only child's) 12th birthday. I still grieve for him just as if everything happened yesterday. I was in my 6th month of pregnancy, and I was overjoyed with the prospect of finally being a mom at 31. I knew I was going to have a little boy to share my life with. I woke up on the morning of April 3 and knew something was terribly wrong. I rushed myself to the hospital, where I found out that I was in labor and things were progressing too quickly to stop it. My beautiful son was born perfect with the exception of his lungs. He was born too soon to breathe on his own. The doctors were unable to save him. A part of me died that day when he died. I didn't want to live anymore; I would have given anything to trade places with him, but I couldn't. Other women who were leaving the hospital after giving birth were going home with beautiful, healthy babies. I was going home with funeral home and support group info. I can't even begin to express how horrible that feels. That was 12 years ago, and I have not been able to have any more children (even though I've tried). I'm married now, but my husband doesn't understand my grief. I just feel so alone sometimes. But whenever I feel that the grief is just too much to bear, I remember that I have my little angel looking down on me.
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